I woke up today, and almost couldn't believe what I saw. It was morning. I slept through the entire night! I feel so awake and ready for a new day. Since this is travel day, and I am excited, I thought id be up all night waiting for morning to come. But I cant even remember laying awake yesterday, I must have fallen asleep pretty darn fast! I am not able to remember when this happened last time, so I had to share my joy with you. Having CFS/ME, many tend to have a hard time sleeping at night, and falling asleep in general. I know this seems really stupid since we have a fatigue syndrome, but that doesnt mean we're not tired, we just have trouble with sleeping. Many mention "insomnia" as a symptom when they explain their illness.
I hope you slept great tonight aswell, and I hope you will get a wonderful day!
I had to show you this. Today, after id seen my psyciatrist, I bought my very own new iPad Air!! I've wanted it for so long, and last night as I was trying to fall asleep, i somehow decided that I should get one. Unlike most times, I really think this was a great decision. I also bought a keyboard, im writing on it now, and i LOVE it. Its like a computer really, but yet so different.
Other than that, Ive prepared for tomorrow today. Time has gone by so fast, and tomorrow, my mom and I are leaving! I know I haven't told you where yet, but we are going to Gran Canaria, Spain. We'll be gone for two weeks, and ill try to keep you posted on how we are doing, since im (of course) bringing my <3 ipad <3. Now im really tired and i am going to sleep, but you'll probably hear from me before we leave (we leave at night), or you can always follow me on twitter: sarahwhining or instagram: sarahwhining
I don't know about you, but I cant wait to move out. Everyday I dream about the perfect house outside of the perfect city. I want a huge house where I can invite friends and family over for dinners and parties. I want the perfect garden with flowers, pools, a tennis court and multiple places to hang out, eat and chat. If it wasn't for the fact that i'm ill and therefore depending on my parents, and of course, the fact that not rich, this would be myhome.
Look at this amazing fasade, i'm in love
Princess foyer, imagine meeting this when you come home from a stressful day at work.
Supercosy livingroom with a fireplace
Luxury livingroom with a piano, could it be more perfect?
I've always wanted a library, filled with good books. My perfect hideaway.
Cosy room you can spend some time in private, reading a book, a magazine or just sitting thinking.
My dream masterbedroom...
... with the most georgeus bathroom attached ...
... and every girls dream, a huge walk-in-closet.
I would also need at least three guestrooms.
A kitchen every chef dreams of
A cosy diningroom. I could really see myself hosing dinnerparties here. Love the bar.
This adorable room for my twin girls.
Every athletic kids dream. This will be my son's room.
A HUGE basement-garage filled with all the cars my future husband and I have ever dreamed of.
This wonderful indoorpool. This is paradise my friends.
A private tenniscourt in the backyard.
This is perfect. A pool, fireplace, jacuzzi and bar. Spending lazy sundays here would be perfect.
Imagine living here with your handsome, romantic and faithful husband and your angel kids. I better marry a rich man, thats for sure. But hey, there is nothing wrong with dreaming♥
- What do think about my dream home? Anyone dreaming of a similiar one?
When I was a little girl, I remember it was really important to know who were best friends, who were the second best friend and so on. We even made lists sometimes. I don't know about you, but I think thats kind of ridiculous. When we were kids, we used to do lots of ridiculous stuff, so thats okay, but I'm 18 now, and my friends still want me to rank them. I know perfectly well who is my best friend, but I don't feel the need to tell my other friends that they're not. Today I woke up to a twitter notification. "Miss my best friend" it said, and then I was mentioned. This so called "best friend" haven't talked to me in ages. Ever since I got ill, she stopped bothering about me. In the beginning it was almost ok, but during the last year, it's been months between every time she's even texted me and asked how I'm doing. In most cases, it's me who texts her to see how she's doing, and then she goes on and on about how terrible her life is, until she remembers that I spend everyday at home. Then she asks fast how I'm doing, before she goes on and on about her own life again. I didn't mean for this to be a frustration post, but I guess that's what it turned into. "I'm sorry I haven't had time for you lately, but I've just got too much on my plate.". I've heard that excuse way too many times from this girl, and I just can't accept it anymore. It's all about priority. Everyone has 24 hours a day. My true best friend visits me all the time, and when I have a bad day, she just droppes in for about ten minutes to get me to smile once before she leaves again and lets me rest. She texts me every day if she can't come for a visit to see how i'm doing. That's a girl who cares. Excuse me, but if that girl calls me her best friend, me who she barely speak to and doesn't even see once a month, the rest of her friends can't be good friends. Maybe I should feel sorry for her. I don't know. I really don't know what to do with her. But I know one thing for sure, I'm not commenting her tweet "Miss you too, bestie". I just really needed to get some frustration out. None of my friends know that this blog exists, so they can't read this and be offended. My blog is also under a pseudonym, so they can't even find it by accident.
I am sorry if I spread much negativity now, but I just needed to get it out.
- Have you ever been in a similiar situation? I would really like to know about it, and most of all, how you sorted it out. ~ Sarah ~
Today I got up before 9 am, and thats been a while since. I took a shower and didn't have time to rest before I was off to a meeting, and that was pretty tough. Taking a shower might seem like an easy thing to do, but to me it's not. I usually need a lot of rest after spending that much energy, but I didn't have time for that today. At 10.30 I attended a meeting with the welfare management. Since I'm no longer a student, and I can't work, I have the right to get a work assesment allowance, so I had a meeting about that and sent an application. Now I've just gotten back and I'm really tired so I'll be taking a nap now. Talk to you later!
It's been over a year and a half now since I got ill. It's not a long time judging by others with the same disease, but for a 18 year old girl, it seems like a lifetime. When your body is always tired, always in pain, how can you stay mentally positive and strong then? When you're no longer able to do the things you love, the things that used to be your life, how do you not lose yourself? How can you be the same person, without getting to do what you love? Without living the life you know? I don't have the answers. Because I am not always positive and strong. I'm no longer the person I used to be. I'm not. But I choose to believe that I am a better person now. I don't have a better life, but I think that when I recover, I will be a much better version of myself. I now know how to appreciate the small things I used to take for granted. Like taking a walk. Like taking a shower on your own. Like eating meals with your family. Like staying up all day without taking naps. This is all things I just to take for granted. I mean, don't you? But now, being able to do those things doesn't happen every day, or even every week. Considering I am grateful for those things, imagine when I'll be able to stay on school an entire week, when I'll be able to go for a run, when I'll be able to spend more than an hour at a time with friends. Please appreciate what you have, before it turns into what you had. My psychologist says that I am in no way depressed, but that I react in a way she could not describe by anything else than that I was in grieving. That I grieve for everything I've lost. I grieve for the life I used to have, that are now history. I used to work out everyday. I come from a very athletic family, where we do a lot of things together, most of it activities, like hiking, skiing, running, biking, anything fun and athletic really. That's been a challenge for us. I can't do those things anymore, and my family can't stop being athletic just because I can't join them. I want them to be able to do what they love, even though I am lying in bed at home. Even though it is tough now, it will be better, I will get better. Someday, I won't only get my life back, I will get a even better life.
I love to travel, I mean, who doesn't? I can't imagine how it used to be before, when traveling to the nearest city in your own country was a once-in-a-lifetime happening. I think we're so lucky that have the opportunity to travel to any place on earth. I really want to travel a lot through my life, and I hope that when I get old, I've gotten to visit all the places I've dreamed of, at least the ones on top of my wish list. I know it will be some time before I will get to visit these places, but I have faith that I will as soon as I recover! Here's a list of the places I want to visit the most: New York:
My name is Sarah Amelia Xandria Whining. I am a 18 year old girl with CFS. My everyday is dominated by a lot of rest and not much activity. In bad periods, i sleep 17-18 hours a day, but in good periods, it might be enough with a good night of sleep.
In February this year I quit, or postponed, school. I haven't been to school since the beginning of November 2013, and therefore I chose to quit for now, concentrate on my treatment this spring, and try again next fall.
I live with my parents, my 13 year old sister and 20 year old brother. I love my family, and without them in this tough period of my life, I truly believe that I would be much worse, especially psyologically.
My treatment now involves physiotherapists, a psychologist and a medicine called LDN. The reason I go to a psychologist is to learn how to use as little energy as possible on things that isn't necessery. At first, I was sent there to find out if i was depressed. Going through something like this often makes people depressed, and that steals a lot of energy. Thankfully, I was not depressed, but I still have benefit from the treatment.
If you want to read more about me and my illness, go to the page called About Me, that you will find it under the header.